party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize