And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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