DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
