from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What a dumb baby whore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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