I wish I only lived at night.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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