Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
