i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
