I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
