thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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