do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
