yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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