Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize