Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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