So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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