Will you blow on my dice?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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