If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
