Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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