In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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