I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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