Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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