My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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