I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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