Those balls look pretty dangerous.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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