he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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