Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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