No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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