i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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