I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Randomize
