haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
