Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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