I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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