Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
