seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
