why didn't you poke me back
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
