If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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