I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
