Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
