well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
