Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
