I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
