I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
