Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
