Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
