the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
