pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Farmville is her only friend.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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