i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
