I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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