no, he came in my armpit
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
zippers are such a cool invention
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
