I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
