she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
