i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
