remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
