Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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