no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
