K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
