I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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