got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
