I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
3 2 1 whiskey
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
