Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
