careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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