Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
