Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
