You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
