OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
