What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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