addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
