YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
