You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
