So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
