I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
