between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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