I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
