is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
