I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
