One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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