he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Drake has all the answers
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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