Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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