Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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