I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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